your life is an occassion, rise to it

reverance, fear, and holiness

2011-07-14T07:10:00.000-07:00

i want to bring a challenge to you today because whether i like it or not, i HAVE to share what i'm learning and what God's impressing on my heart. it's like this unstoppable urge to bring everyone along with me. so, what i'm challenged with, i want others to hear too. so i apologize now :O)
something i've been feeling God impressing on my heart for about 2 years now is the word "holiness." it's one of those words that doesn't get thrown around in conversation very often. right along with reverance and fear. i think in these modern times we stray away from what we might consider "Bible terms," as though they don't apply to us. i think in our hearts we know they should, but we feel much more comfortable just leaving them on the pages than actually applying them to our daily lives.
i've been working through"a study of david," so alot of what i'm learning and will share will come from those pages. one thing that stood out to me that beth moore said, is that whenever God has a new day dawning in her life, he also demands a new reverence from her and has something new about his holiness he wants to show her. how true this is in my own life. but whether i respond to it is a different thing all together. i think we have seasons of movement. we can feel it. it demands response, but how many times have we felt that nudge, only to push it away and move forward with things the way they have always been....right where we're comfortable. this is where the challenge would come. we have to take God's command to come out and be seperate seriously. at some point we have to make a decision to follow. to not allow others, whether the Godless or even Christians, be our standard. how many times do we justify or gauge our lives by others. just because others may get away with irreverance, does not mean God is any less holy. in beth moore's study, she makes this statement, "we are sometimes tempted to measure our respect for God bythe lack of respect surrounding us. the godless however are not our standard. God is." i don't know how many times i've made the statement that we as Christians have a tendancy to look at our lives and pen a mark on our measuring stick and then look down to compare it to the mark of others, whether it's the world or the church. God's challenge looks a little different. try looking up. don't be afraid to see where God's mark is. it can be a bit intimadating if we see it as a climb we have to make ourselves, but if we see that the way to get there is only through the empowerment of the Holy spirit, we can see the hope of being like Christ. it's just like our pastor said a few weeks back, when we fulfill our responsibilities as believers, we have a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction. we are living out who we were created to be. so many of us are stuck. i mean, how many of you actually spend time with God on a daily basis? be honest. now, if you're answer is rare, why do you think that's acceptable? as a new creation, given new life, expecting God's blessing and protection in our lives, why are we so quick to spend the least amount of time with the giver of those things. not that we should spend time with Him because of what we get, but because we love Him. we have hope of eternal life thanks to His son's sacrifice. that in and of itself is enough to spend the rest of our lives in worship and thanksgiving. instead, we give push back on commands like reverance, holiness, and fear. according to my own experience, we fear the unknown and are uncomfortable with vulnerability. we aren't practiced or trained in these things. in order to have freedom to fear God, revere Him, and strive for holiness, we have to be completely vulnerable. we HAVE to let go. we have to give Him room to change us. in order to walk out in these freedoms we have to take seriously our position as ,"a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation," (1 peter 2:9) i love my Bible. it has these awesome study tools called kindom dynamics. in one of them they make this statement." true authority is always related to a walk in purity and a constancy in worship. the spirit of worship is essental to all advance of the kingdom." ugh. how many of us really want to hear that? maybe on sunday morning, but how about on thursday afternoon when we are rounding up the kids and they are NOT cooperating. or maybe when a perfect stranger rudely cuts in front of us. how about when you're co workers are speaking of innappropriate things or gossipping about the boss. how about when your girlfriends are being critical of another woman's outter appearance. not those times. that's too much to ask of us.
so i conclude with this. we like the lessons and truths to be wrapped up in a pretty package on sunday morning. we like words like fear of God, reverence, and holiness coming out of the pastors mouth or presented in a beautiful melody, but when it comes to our personal lives, we want God to butt out. we want to live as we think we know best, just a few steps ahead of everyone else. but when life throws us a curve ball and we find ourelves in trouble, then we certainly expect God to come swooping down to rescue us.
now i can be a bit sarcastic and harsh with my words, but please know, i'm preachin to the choir here. i'm disgusted with my lack of reverance at times. with my own inability to allow God complete access to my heart, mind, and soul. but i have hope. i know God is good, kind, gracious, and only has plans to prosper me no matter the circumstance i may find myself in. and more than anything, i just want him to be proud of me. i want him to be able to trust me with more. i want others to want to know him as a result of knowing me. i want to love Jesus more today than yesterday. and i certainly hope all this for you.
i hope you're challenged today and i hope you choose the better life. the narrow, but most fulfilling path.
blessings
stephanie

who do i think i'm not?

2011-04-05T14:46:00.000-07:00

.......who do i think i'm not? many days i've thought i'm not a good mother, friend, daughter, wife, and Christian. but thinking that is what holds me back from being good at those things. if i could stop focusing on my failures and see myself through God's eyes, i'd be that much closer to my destination. i look at opportunities and my first thought at times can be prideful. sure, i can do that. i'm capable. then fear sets in and i realize, no, i'm not. i cannot do that. i'm a failure. this is where the enemy sets up camp. but if i'm wise, i remember that he does not control my destiny and he is not the author of my life, God is. if i can grasp that truth and recieve it deep in to my soul, then all of a sudden i see hope in all the things i think i'm not. this is where i can get excited. all of sudden, they become a challenge. an opportunity to be better. a chance to let the Holy spirit flow through me and do incredible, miraculous things. THIS is where it gets interesting and where it may not be easy, but will be worth it. so today, i'm not thinking about all the things i'm not, i'm just giving myself up to a God who can make me all that and even better. happy soul searching!

i need an outlet~

2011-02-24T15:12:00.000-08:00

i need an outlet to speak what's really on my mind. a place i can share things i've learned, my convicitons, my struggles, my victories, things that irritate me, plainly put.....my reality. i just want a place where i can be me. i find myself so often wishing i could just post something on my facebook page, but then i think, "that really isn't the place to say that. not everyone knows you steph and might not be as understanding to where you're coming from." i want to say the funny, unconventional thoughts in my head. i also want to be uncoventionally truthful. i feel i need a refuge for my thoughts. i promise not to say anything terribly offensive and never anything critical or rude, but i cannot promise everything you'll read here you'll like. so please take that in to consideration if you choose to bare this journey with me. i can just promise you'll always get the real me and i hope you'll find that refreshing. you're invited to come along, to share your thoughts. to disagree, disregard, or embrace. i just ask that you always be lovingly honest and refreshlying just YOU.

so, let me start with my first little story:
i was at the gym yesterday and thought i recognized the girl next to me on the treadmill. i asked her if she had signed up for the gold's gym challenge because i thought for sure i'd seen her. she didnt' look too happy that i'd asked, but abliged me with an answer. "no, i'm actually in training for a fitness competition, but i have a couple of clients that are that are doing well." oh jeez. i felt like such an idiot. i realized later if i'd just taken one good look at her, i would have known that wasn't the case. i knew she was probably thinking, "how could you think i was in a weight loss challenge?" hopefully she was more secure than that. who's to know. all i know is if i looked like her, i don't think i'd want to be asked that....because i know how much stinking effort it takes for some of us to look that good.
so i began my cardio i looked down & saw her on the weight floor preparing to do some squats. i felt even worse. she really did look good! she was so well proportioned, healthy, and fit. just the way i wish my body looked and even worse, the way it DID look 8 years ago. talk about a slap in the face. now here's the real me. i felt ashamed and just plain frustrated. it was a reminder that i have tried and failed so many times to get my body back, but i suffer from "undisciplinicity." that's my own word. don't try to look it up. it's a disease of quitting. when it comes to eating and exercise, i've tried and failed so many times i couldn't count. but i dont' want you to feel too bad for me. God and i have been working this out for a while and i believe we're finally getting somewhere. the company rich and i are part of has opened my eyes to so much truth and hope about health and wellness. it's a heritage i want desperately to give my kids. so my movitations are becoming as much about them as they are about me and even more about God.

in closing, i want to use this blog two fold. to speak relevant truth and connect with others and i really think that can be done by just sharing my story. one day at a time. the funny, the sad, the bittersweet, the crazy.....the real me.

the daily grind

2010-11-18T19:31:00.000-08:00

i don't know how many times i've had the thought, "how did the women of the past do it? day in, day out. no change. no breaks. just hard work every day." i'm speaking of course, of the women say, a hundred years ago. every time i feel overwhelmed, overworked, underappreciated, exhausted, wasted, frustrated, or just plain whiny, these women come to mind. how is it they found value and joy in their lives? i imagine their days went something like this:
get up with the sun. if it's cold out, stoke the fire. start to prepare food for breakfast. (nothing instant then). go out to milk the cow for fresh milk. get the kids dressed and fed while preparing lunches for school. maybe send some off to school, while a little one or two stayed home. then clean, work the farm, prepare more meals....repeat, repeat.
you get the picture. the point is, most likely their homes were probabaly about a 1/4 of what most of us have. there was no escaping little ones. there was no hotly pursued "me time." most likely the idea of "girl time" was rare once married. so what's the difference in them and us? well, i definately think it's perspective & training. women grew up knowing what to expect. they saw their mom do it & they knew it was what they would do. i think they also had to keep their head in the game. no "woe is me," for those women. there was no time for that. it was survival of the fittest. but as i sat at the end of a long day, having done all the duties by myself from 7am - 9am, another idea occurred to me. maybe it was the lack of distraction. a lack of people, things, and opportunities to distract them. no tv to tell them about the latest and greatest or to tell them all the things they were missing out on. no malls or catalogues to tempt their senses. no internet to feed their lusts (for things of course :O) or steal their time. it was just them, their husband, and their kids. they worked as a team. one unit. every one did their part. there was no other way.
i'm not saying they had it better. i'm not saying we do either. i just know that at times i can find myself thinking thoughts of disappointment in my life and yet it would seem i have so much more than they did. but then again do i? opportunity, money, furniture, nice home, 2 vehicles, and a pantry full of ready to serve food. do all those things constitute better? i'd say yes and no. with the life i live, i get to enjoy time with my children and peope i love. i have the ability to serve and do things i love. but they can also be what steal my joy. they can be a vice that at times strangle the joy right out. so what's the balance?
i guess simplifying is the key. i can still enjoy the blessings and bounty of living in this modern age and at the same time remember my roots and the One that actually gives life. figuring out what's worth watering and making sure that the majority of my time is spent there. that will give me balance and value.
at least i know one day, i'll meet those great women in heaven and really have the answers to my questions.

who we were or who we are?

2010-08-29T10:42:00.001-07:00

in the past couple months, i've ran into 4 different people at church from my past. these are people that came to broadway avenue baptist church when my dad was still the pastor and pastor love was our youth pastor. when the auditorium faced east/west and the pulpit was on the east side. i'm always taken by surprise to run into people from the past, but i really shouldn't be. i think as we get older, we are always looking backwards to find something to identify with. when we're young we are just who we are. who we want to be. no stress. no cares. no responsibilities. when we grow up we change, mostly because it's expected. sometimes it's the people around us that expect the most, that we find ourselves changing for. eventually we are something different. that change isn't always bad, unless we begin to change against our better judgement. if we begin to uproot our souls. if we begin to chase the things of the world. other people's approval. job promotions. or maybe we compromise just a little at at time. maybe we become something for someone else because we are insecure. whatever the reason....we change. then one day we find ourselves at a turning point. things don't turn out as we planned. we stop and ask ourselves how we got here and then? we look back. we start trying desperately to find something to identify with. something or someone we can find our old selves in again. reconnect with the things in our past that help us to regain some of that person we used to be. so i get it. i understand why the church is that for so many people. it was that for me. it was what i feared the most and needed the most all at the same time. coming back to broadway was so hard for me because of the people i'd let down and hurt. yet it was the foundation that never moved. the people continued to love and the doors continued to be open. just as they should. as i came back to the Lord i had to figure out how i would become the person i was created to be and never have to look back again. i came up with a bit of a metaphor that makes sense to me. my relationship with God is grown through his Word and prayer. think of it like my wedding ring. my ring has what's called a pressure setting. two sides press firmly to suspend the diamond. i'm the diamond (i like this part of the metaphor)....and the two sides are God's word and prayer. there must be constant pressure. the relationship of the three are inseparable. if there is any kind of loosening, the diamond is in danger of falling out. possibly being lost forever. that's how i feel. if i don't spend time with the Lord in study and prayer, i'm jeopardizing my spiritual life. when they are loose and faulty and inconsistent, i become the same. luckily, unlike my ring, tightening the pressure in our spiritual lives is all up to us and relatively easy. it takes discipline and desire. if those are not things you think you possess, God will give them to you as you spend time with him. as our pastor has been saying over the last couple months, we are new creations. all things passed away, all things become new. so do what you have to do to find that new creation, for the first time, or once again. but find it and hold tightly and never look back again.

BEING MOM

2010-05-07T22:11:00.000-07:00

if you'd tried to tell me four years ago how wonderful being a mom would be, there's no way i would have been able to believe you. my mom used to always say, "you won't know love till you have one of your own." i couldn't comprehend that til i held rykon in my arms. in all honesty, until i had my own babies, i couldn't really even grasp how God could love me the way the Bible said He did. i will never be able to express my gratitude for the blessing of my children. my journey started w/the unexpected blessing of an amazing husband and continues now through two amazing children.

things have certainly changed in my life in a year. last mother's day, i was pregnant, tired, sick, and completely overwhelmed by financial stress. i was battling such oppression (a result of almost three years of absolute struggle). but then summer came, bringing w/it not only a new season of sunshine, but a new season of life. july brought to me my sweet baby girl and a new home. the past nine months have been some of the happiest of my life. i try so hard to live each day in little moments of gratitude. it's not always easy because satan is right there, whispering in my ear a reason to complain or feel sorry for myself. but when i get my sites back on the Lord and i take a long look at my life, i can easily pull myself together and remember who i am and what i've been given.

i love my children. i adore them. they are a constant gift to behold. each day they bring me knew memories, laughs, smiles, and tears. i could kiss their sweet, soft little faces for the rest of my life and never bore of it. i'm completely overwhelmed by the responsibility of it all yet completely grateful that God has entrusted these to precious gifts to me.

i don't think i could have this perspective if it wasn't for my mom's influence. she's always been a pillar of strength and wisdom for me. she's steady and unwavering. she's honest and kind. she is my best friend and my biggest fan. she has given me hope and strength to keep going at times when i didn't want to. she has been a provider, caretaker, teacher, mentor, and so much more. i love her w/all my heart and cherish every day i get to spend time with or talk with her.

so Sunday is mothers day in two ways for me. it's my opportunity to express my adoration and love for my mom, but it's also a time of worship and thanksgiving for the gift of motherhood.

i will never be the same and i'm so glad for that.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

heartbroken

2010-01-25T15:32:00.000-08:00

my heart hurts today. i have a close friend who's spouse is about to tell their children that they are filing for divorce. it's not fair. it's times like this i have to lean on what i DO know about god. i have to remember that we have free will and we can choose to live our lives for ourselves or for god. it seems such an easy choice, but it absolutely is not on a daily basis. i want to grab those children and run with them straight to the father's arms so they'll know the peace that He gives, that they'll know, from an eternal perspective...it WILL be ok some day. but for right now, it burns. it's a pain deeper than i've known and i have known some deep pain. but i can't imagine there are too many things more painful than being completely unable to save the one thing that gives you the most security as a child.
over the last few years, i've seen one family after another split up. the reasons are many and they're all devastating. these were people just like me and just like you, but somewhere along the way, they stopped listening. they started letting their eyes wonder. they didn't submit themselves to the holy spirit as it nudged them gently....beckoning them to follow him. to stay away from the other options. it can happen to any of us. maybe some of us have been right there. i just know that the only way my family has a chance is to keep my knees to the earth, bowed before God, in complete submission. striving to live a life of holiness. it's hard and takes a strength beyond me, & that is why i'm thankful we have the holy spirit.
please pray for these families. pray for reconciliation. for complete restoration. pray for the families in your church, neighborhood, community. there's a war going on and personally, i'm just plain sick of it.

can you rise to it?

2010-01-19T18:50:00.000-08:00

holiness has been on my mind ALOT this last year. the challenge of holiness continues to present itself as a constant theme in my circumstances, the messages i hear, and my daily devotions. it's not an easy subject to tame. i think because it's something much easier to sing about than to actually implement in our lives. holiness requires change in us. in the way that we choose daily what comes out of our mouths, what we listen to, what we watch, what we participate in, what we put in our mouths (or more, how much we do,) the way we respond to our spouse and kids.
a thought came to mind the other day about how to do this. do you think "acting" sold out for God would help you to get there emotionally? to rise to the call God's put before us? it seems to work that way in so many other areas of my life.
if i praise God in spite of sorrow my heart will eventually follow.
if i forgive someone who's hurt me, my emotions will begin to align.
when i choose to have faith in a circumstance that seems impossible, i begin to believe.
i've always been a firm believer in the idea that if you act first, you're heart will follow. this theme reoccurs time and time again in scripture AND typically, it's a step of faith that God requires before he'll move in your life.
so i've been challenging myself to do this. to strive for holiness, even if it's not the thing i desire in the moment, because i believe that my emotions and heart will align eventually. it will at some point transition from an occasional desire, to a full time passion in my life.
there's no shortage of scriptures that reinforces the call to holiness.
1 peter 1:15-16 says we are to be holy in ALL our conduct because God is holy.
romans 12:1-2 says we are to present our bodies as holy, to not be conformed to this world, but be transformed.
in ephesians chapters 4 & 5 paul calls us to equip ourselves, to not be tossed to and fro by trickery and deceitfulness, to renew the spirit of our mind, put on the new man in true righteousness and holiness, to let no corrupt word proceed out of our mouth, to have no fellowship w/darkness, and to not even SPEAK of those things which are done by them in secret.
i could go on.
the point is there's never a better time than now. what's more important? the movie you want to see? the place you want to go? the song you want to listen to? all for the sake of entertainment? or being able to one day stand blameless before God? honestly, i don't think many of us care much about that most days. i think we've distanced ourselves from the holiness of God so much that we don't really think much about it and even if we did, the conviction would last but a moment until we stepped back into our normal routines. then we'd be off again, swept away by the cares of this world. it's sad really. it's disappointing. but mostly, it's just plain sinful.
i hope that this year can be the year we take our inheritance seriously. where we can look god in the eye shamelessly. that we can take hold of all that God has for us and no longer take his name in vain, but really live for righteousness. i challenge you to let this year be your best yet. no matter what comes your way, rise to the occasion and be holy as He is holy.

care for me

2008-07-28T12:27:00.000-07:00

will you care for me world? oh do you dare?
you're taking a risk for my love to share
i'll push you and pull you, for what i seek to find
this need deep inside me is something divine
created for creator i reach out for love
i scream for it, cry for it, i push, and i shove
i look over there i run over here
but every direction just leads me to tears
finally i grow weary, my path leads to death
no peace in my heart, no hope, no rest
i lay down to die, broken heart in hand
i've grown hungry and thirsty in this dry weary land
as i drift off to sleep, familiar voice so clear
he's calling my name, gently wiping my tears
i look up to see with one last hope inside
"will you care for me?" i ask one last time
"I AM," he says, "i formed you from dust.
i knit you together, in Me put your trust."
and under his wings i found shelter to heal
now before his thrown on my knees i kneel
never again will i seek care from another
for you've always cared, my savior & father.
SSS

where do you go?

2008-07-24T11:11:00.001-07:00

make believe

we create, we dream

is it just imagination

or reality?

to live what we see

do we crave escape

can we live in the moment?

take a breath, contemplate

feel our way through the day

and hope for the best

days like today

are days like the rest

will we go to our place

so secret inside?

with no windows to open

and we can just hide

but troubles, they find us

even there as we sit

our dreams can't save us

and we fill with regret

"if only i'd listened,

and spoken my heart,

to save my troubled mind

where do i start?"

come out from yourself

from your make believe

you must reach for Him

He's your only relief

grab hold don't let go

let Him lead you back home

for His strength is endless

your fate in Him alone.....

you woke up this morning

familiar thoughts filled your mind

but you know what to do

no failure this time

you'll run to His arms

you've learned from before

no escape from reality

your reality, now the Lord

SSS

FEAR

2008-07-08T09:28:00.001-07:00

it's crept in to my heart again

i don't know how or even when

i just know that yesterday

i did not feel this way

it makes its journey through my mind

& then in to my heart

i know not where it ends

or how it got its start

i think it made it's strategic move

when i let just one thought in

it took it's residence back up

in familiar places been

how will i ever overcome

this evil little threat?

i must refuse it what it wants,

for in me it seeks death

my only source of strength will come

from creator God himself

He must infiltrate my spirit

with a better kind of health

and as i take a hold of what

He offers me to drink

my fears will go and i'll revive

a spirit new and clean

tonight i take my place in silence

for i'm weary from the day

then close my eyes to site a prayer

for i know not what to say

but God is good He hears my cry

and in his word He says

that i may take my shelter up

and rest my weary head

through this His comfort and his grace

flows freedom full and strong

and once again i fall back in

to his arms where i belong

SSS

beth moore recap II

2008-07-07T07:14:00.000-07:00

i had this almost finished when i thought, i better save this to my computer. i highlighted the whole thing and ry hit just the right button to delete it all. i am still too frustrated to begin again right now, but i WILL finish it later today. sorry about the delay

TO: the annointed

2008-06-15T12:03:00.000-07:00

ok, so looking at that title you might be thinking...."annointed? who me? um... yeah, i must be movin on now." please don't. i want you to hear what this post has to say. it's not me, but beth moore. i was blessed enough to attend her most recent conference here in town and the stuff was soooo good, i just had to share it. i know many of you did not get to go, so i wanted you to have the chance to hear a condensed version of the message she had for us. so...i'm going to paraphrase a bit. everything written in CAPITAL letters will be my two cents/opinions/add ins. so i hope you'll take the time to digest all that you will read. i promise, it will not disappoint.

so the night beth asked us this question. can god trust you? do you find yourself asking if you can trust god most of the time? well, god is asking you the same question. he has a gift for you, something he will do supernaturally through you. a gift that is your own, but he's waiting. he's looking for a trustworthy generation. she asked us, what would happen if we became trustworthy with power, profound influence, and holy annointing? WOW, TALK ABOUT GETTIN TO THE POINT! THIS REALLY GOT IN MY HEAD. AM I TRUSTWORTHY? I NEVER THINK OF IT LIKE THAT. I'M ALWAYS THE ONE ASKING HIM IF HE'LL COME THROUGH, WILL HE PROVIDE, WILL HE PROTECT US? THIS ABSOLUTELY GAVE ME A NEW PERSPECTIVE.
in I tim 4:14, it says that we are not to neglect our gift. beth said if we minimize our gift, it's sin, not humility. to define "gift" is this: the supernatural unction to fulfill divine purpose during our earthly tenure. it's somthing miraculous that only god can do. we cannot do it in our own flesh (I cor 12:4-7) THIS GIFT IS NOT AS WE MAY SOMETIMES TEND TO THINK OF IT. IT'S NOT OUR ABILITIES PERSAY. I THINK IT'S MORE THAN THAT. NOW OUR GIFTS SUCH AS TEACHING, PROPHECY, MERCY, ETC...ARE THE VEHICLES THROUGH WHICH THIS GIFT MOVES, BUT THINGS LIKE SINGING, WORKING WELL WITH CHILDREN, ETC....IS NOT NECESSARILY WHAT SHE'S TALKING ABOUT...AT LEAST THAT'S NOT HOW I TOOK IT.
in II tim 1:9 the verse talks about this purpose. it's as if god has a proposal for what He wants to do with our life, set up on an easel in front of him. he's waiting for us to take hold of it, to recieve it, but he will not force it on us. he will let us neglect it. I THOUGHT THIS WAS SO SAD. TO THINK OF ALL THAT WE MISS OUT ON. TO THINK OF ALL THE UNNECESSARY PAIN WE GO THROUGH, ALL BECAUSE WE WILL NOT GIVE UP SOME THINGS TO MAKE OURSELVES WORTHY OF THIS GIFT. WE WILL NOT GIVE UP COMFORTS TO TAKE HOLD OF OUR GIFT.
god prepared for our maximum giftedness through a two-fold heritage. our family of origin and our family of faith. for some of us, in both of heritages, god was the center. others, our family of origin was pretty messed up and unhealthy. IF WE'RE NOT CAREFUL WE CAN USE THIS AS AN EXCUSE AND FALL INTO TO LIES. WE WILL BEGIN BELEIVING OUR PAST WILL MAKE US UNWORTHY TO BE USED. BUT BETH MADE IT CLEAR...your line was permitted by god for your purpose! OK, I'LL REPEAT THAT CAUSE YOU NEED TO GET IT. your line, was permitted by your god, for your purpose! it is what god uses to break me then make me. all the disfunction, abuse, hypocracy, is useful to god. every bit of your pain has profound purpose. part of the fire that comes from your pain will become your passion. SO, WE MUST NOT MINIMALIZE OUR PASTS OR PAIN OR WE ARE ROBBING OURSELVES OF POTENTIAL SUPERNATURAL POWER AND PURPOSE. GOD WILL TAKE OUR HEALED HEARTS AND MAKE THEM STRONGER AND GIVE US STRENGTH TO SHARE WHAT HE HAS DONE, TO IMPACT THOSE AROUND US. OUR STORIES ARE NOT OUR OWN. THEY ARE GOD'S. IT IS HIS ROMANCE NOVEL AND IT DESERVES TO BE TOLD!
it's as if we are a crossection for god. he works in the middle of the natural and spiritual. this gift is like a flame. and it must be fanned. how do we do that? by checking our x's.
1. existance - we've got to have an intimate thing with jesus. know him
2. exposure - to people using their gifts, iron sharpening iron
3. experience - use them - serve. if you're not sure, that's ok, try something
4. excellence - figure out a couple things and do them with excellence
5. exhaling - take a sabath. time to breathe. to cease knowing how to rest is a sin
6. exit - we get secure in sameness. you need to know when to move on
GOD CAN GIFT US AND USE US IN MANY WAYS. WE HAVE TO UNDERSTAND HOW TO ACCESS, USE, AND MOVE ON WHEN GOD IS READY TO TAKE US TO A DIFFERENT LEVEL.
this gift and all that equips it is a trust that must be guarded. if you haven't realized it yet, the enemy's agenda is to ruin your affectiveness and wants to prove you a fraud/fake. he knows how gifted you are. we are the annointed ones and he is not, so he will try to get us to be inaffective. I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT THIS IS ONE AREA I KNOW SATAN GETS VICTORY AT TIMES. NOT VICTORY OVER THE WHOLE WAR, BUT AT LEAST IN THIS PARTICULAR BATTLE.
the thing is, you can not cheat the annointing. things like unforgiveness, what we watch, what we listen to, things we say (gossip) are carnality, satan's handiwork, and carnality can take off the annointing. WOW AGAIN. THIS ONE HIT HOME WITH ME. HOW CRAFTY OUR ENEMY IS HUG? IF HE CAN GET US TO JUST GIVE IN BY LISTENING TO THAT GOSSIP, SPREADING GOSSIP OURSELVES, WATCHING THAT SHOW EVEN WHEN THE SUBJECT MATTER IS COMPLETELY UNGODLY, AND CONTINUING TO JUSTIFY OUR ACTIONS ALL FOR THE SAKE OF ENTERTAINMENT OR MERE SELF RIGHTEOUSNESS (THAT LITTLE THING WE REPEAT TO OURSELVES THAT WHAT WE'RE DOING ISN'T AS BAD AS SOME PEOPLE OR BECAUSE WE'RE WATCING IT AND NOT DOING IT OURSELVES IT'S OK), THEN HE'S GOT US.
WELL, I'M GOING TO STOP HERE. I THINK WE'VE GOT ENOUGH TO CHEW ON FOR A BIT. I'LL FINISH THE CONCLUSION SOME TIME IN THE NEXT DAY OR SO. TILL THEN, IF YOU HAVE A QUESTION OR COMMENT, PLEASE RESPOND AND I'LL ADDRESS IN THE NEXT POST.

spontaneous waste

2008-05-09T08:49:00.001-07:00

i got a call from my friend in flagstaff yesterday. she was in phoenix about to board a plane to florida. she had been watching something about a revival going on there and felt led to go. she says that over 9000 people a day show up. it started as a five day conference at a small church and is now at a stadium with thousands pouring in from all over the world daily, just to worship and be touched by god. no one else i know would ever do that. she's going by herself, renting a car when she gets there, and driving to lakeland. this kind of spontaneity was one of the things that kept us from being friends for a long time. i didn't understand it about her. i was always so planned, calculated, organized. she was the exact opposite. but we were drawn together by our desire to know and love jesus. she taught me how to "let go" and i helped her see the good in a little planning.

how often are we spontaneous in our response to God? are we close enough to him to even know when he leads us to go? to know his voice over our own? she is a lover of the word and her savior. she knows his voice. so when he leads, she knows, and she goes.

see, she's been sick with an auto-immune disease for a couple of years now, that she contracted when she was a missionary in thailand. she's battled terrible stomach pains and has prayed for healing. she believes that God's calling her to florida because he's going to heal her. i love that about her. it's her faith i love. she doesn't waste time thinking about the things of this world, she is more concerned about being faithful, doing and going where he leads. she seeks to be in his presence on a moment by moment basis so that as trials and tribulation come, her character is strong enough to endure it so that the refining process may take place. i mean, i can't tell you how many times i've thought to myself, "i just can't stand to let that food go to waste." or i'll think something like, "we can't do that, it's just a waste of money and time." what about all the time i waste not in God's presence? i know, you might think...but sparky...we can't be in god's presence all the time. we have lives we have to live. agreed, we do have lives we have to live, responsibilities, people to care for. but why can't we do it all in the presence of god? our time with his is not limited to our daily devotions or worship at church. we are to be eternally minded. there are things going on around us in the spiritual realm that we are completely unaware of. so it is absolutely necessary that we be in the presence of god moment by moment. we do this by walking in love and light (ephesians 5:1-14). if we don't, we are in danger of grieving the holy spirit and our words and lives turn from edifying to corruption. AND we are in danger of missing out on some amazing things he wants to do in our lives.

so what kind of spontaneous thing is god leading you to do? what kinds of resources and time have you been wasting? i hope today you're encouraged. it's not too late. God has not removed you from this life yet. get back up and seek him out. he's there to be found. and besides, it is our duty to walk as he did. jesus said we would receive power when the holy spirit came upon us (acts 1:8). we can minister and live as he did, if we will just keep our eyes up! don't look down. just look up...and don't waste anymore time. be spontaneous, let him lead you. you will never be disappointed.

"for you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. walk as children of the light for the fruit of the spirit is in all goodness, righteousness, and truth, finding out what is acceptable to the Lord." Ephesians 5:8-10

a call worth answering

2008-05-06T11:23:00.001-07:00

today my mom is flying out to europe. she's meeting my dad to visit some missionaries. what else they will do, well, i couldn't tell you specifics. i just know they hit the road running and they help alot of people.

my parents live an adventure and they are such strong, stable, giving, real people and i know that is why others are so drawn to them. they live such an amazing life. funny thing since they were just two people, who started out in el paso, had a baby, moved to abilene, had another baby, on to dallas for a third baby, and then the calling to boise. i can't tell you that my mom was all that happy. i mean, who in their right mind would want to live in boise? where is that anyway? ohio? iowa? do they even have running water and electricity? besides, i'm sure it's miserably cold. all the thoughts i believe ran through my mom's head and her whole families when my father announced they'd be going :O) not to mention with 3 kids all under 5 in tow. but they went, because god called them. they couldn't bare the thought of not being obedient. they loved and still do love the lord with all their hearts. how many of us could say we'd be willing to give up our lifestyles, our friends, church, family, and move on to somewhere that we weren't even sure existed? this is one of the many reasons why i honor them and respect them so highly. they gave up a lot to come here, but it was without a doubt for much more gain than they'd ever expected. when they took broadway ave baptist church over, it had around 5 families. today, 30 years, two buildings, and an addition of 11+ staff later, it runs around 800. talk about reaping. i'm blown away at all god has done over the years. now my parents couldn't imagine living anywhere else. they love this valley.

all these years and even from the beginning, my parents have had a passion for missions. about 7 years ago (i could be off a bit) god began to call them to a new ministry, uncharted territory. god gave them a vision of a ministry that would act as a liaison for the missionary. IMAP-international missionary advocate personnel. imap takes on projects, raising money and support, so that the missionary doesn't have to come off the field, taking precious time away from their ministries and using their recources to do this. to go from a secure job, that you've done for over 35 years, being in your 50's, to start a new ministry was a leap of faith to say the least. but god has more than blessed and opened innumerable doors. it has been one miracle after another and god's providing.

so here's to you mom and dad. i'll miss you over the next few weeks. you're my best friends and i love you so much. but even more, i honor you because you are brave soldiers of the king and your testimony and legacy to your children and all who know you will live on for years to come!

to get involved you can visit their website at

http://www.i-map.org/

no longer one, but many

2008-04-25T08:59:00.000-07:00

over the years i've made it a personl goal to surround myself with wise, Godly, biblically strong women. i don't want to be a lone ranger in this life. and as a matter of fact, it's not even biblical. i know for some of us, the accountability and/or the vulnerability is more than we are willing to committ to. i know. i understand. i used to be really prideful, trying to do things on my own, but god gave me a vision of strength in numbers and he's brought it to fruition by providing some amazing women in my life. i believe you cannot do life alone but you better be sure that who you do life with is on the same path. look at who you surround yourself with and you can see yourself.

SO, those that i'm closest to, that i go to for advice and direction, are people that i know, know the word of god and will always instruct me according to it. one of those people is a friend from college. she's a doer of the word. she fights the enemy on her knees and i trust her because of that. no, she's not perfect, both of us would tell you that :O) but she looks to the lord for wisdom and that is a pearl for sure.

so when i'm in the trenches and i need strategy to be victorious, she's absolutely one of the first on my list. i was talking with her the other day and i asked her what she does when she's really batteling a war for her thoughts. she reminded me that the first thing she does is begin to praise. to worship god. she said there is no better defense than to speak out praise and worship of our creator. it puts things in perspective and it drives away the enemy. then once her mind is where it should be, she begins to rebuke the enemy and speak out the truth against whatever the lie is he's telling her.

i loved this because it's all about strategy. get your heart and mind alligned, working together instead of against each other, and then once you've accomplished that, get out your amunition and begin to fight. it will work every time. the sword of truth is the only offensive weapon god gave us. everything else about the armor of god is defensive (ephesians 6:10-20.) the helmet of salvation, the shield of faith, the breatplate of righteousness are all to protect. they have a specific purpose of covering our most vulnerable assets (emotions,thoughts) but they do not go forward, out toward the enemy. so i encourage you to dig into your old testament. in psalms, isaiah, & jeremiah, there are beautiful verses written by the prophets, king david, and solomon, stirring the heart from deep with in. reminding us that god is in control, he's the only creator, he gives and takes away, there is none like him, he knew us before our creation, and he loves and adores us. so when you take these words and begin to make them your own, praising him out loud, i believe all of creation joins in, like a symphony, proclaiming the name of the almighty. your burdens will lift and you will remember who you are and the power god's given us through his son.

if you are unsure how to get started i'll help you.

isaiah 40:28-29

"have you not known? have you not heard? the everlasting god, the lord, the creator of the ends of the earth, neither fainst nor is weary. his understanding is unsearchable, he gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might he increases strength!"

thank you lord because i am weak and nothing with out you. i need my might strengthened. i praise you because there is none like you. you are omniscient and all powerful. no battle is too great, no valley too low, you are the author of every good thing and the enemy has no power over my life! i rebuke the enemy in the name of jesus, by the authority given me through the shed blood of my savior. i commit my spirit to you God and give you complete control over my thoughts, emotions, and all my activities. this day is yours, do as you will.

2008-04-22T07:37:00.000-07:00

when i went to college, i attended a private, christian school called Liberty University. every easter the school would put on a huge production. it was quite amazing. it was a musical, but it was set in scenes on the gym floor in our arena and groups of people would go through from one scene to the next. the play depicted the last hours of jesus' life, his death, and resurrection. getting to be right in the middle of it all made the audience feel like they were part of what was happening. i remember it well because i had the opportunity to play the part of mary one year. the guy who played jesus at the time and practically the creator of the whole thing was also our on site worship leader.

as i was studying the other day i was reading in john 14 and came across verse 27, "peace i leave with you, my peace i give to you..." and i was brought back to this particular time in my life because this verse was turned into a song that this man would sing as one of his solos. the reason it's significant is because i happen to know a side to his life that was less than christian. in fact, he struggled very deeply with something for years that eventually overpowered him. when the truth surfaced the whole school was devastated. as i read that verse again i thought of that whole situation and was saddened. he was knowingly taking the lord's name in vain when he'd sing those words. he was taking the Lord's name in vain by almost everything he did in his life because he was singing, teaching, and pretending to be something he really was not on the inside. until i did beth moore's study "when bad things happen to good people" i don't think i had a good understanding how we as christians, even the strongest of us, can fall into such deep sin and then keep pretending and going on as though we love and serve the lord. i have also struggled with some sins since giving my life to Jesus and have done this very thing. put on the right suit and posture and headed off to church. all along, just defaming christs name. taking it in vain. taking in vain all he did on the cross so that i could be forgiven, given a second chance, and loved eternally. i don't like being that person that i've unfortunately been a time or two. i know it's not who god created me to be. my prayer for any of you in the middle of sin, bound by it, but living as though you're free of it...cry out to god. beg him to come to your aid. beg for his forgiveness and to be restored to him again. God hates strife, pride, dissension, and even sin's of omission. he hates it because it robs us of his plan for our life. it steals our joy. it destroy's our lives. god's intentions have always been this. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11. even choosing not to believe this promise is taking his name in vain. i hope we all can see how god aches for us choose Him. to choose life. to choose to rise up and live a life that shows value to who our god really is.

I corinthians 15:1-4

1 Moreover, brethren, I declare to you the gospel which I preached to you, which also you received and in which you stand, 2 by which also you are saved, if you hold fast that word which I preached to you—unless you believed in vain.3 For I delivered to you first of all that which I also received: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, 4 and that He was buried, and that He rose again the third day according to the Scriptures,